Sweet Maria October 8th, 2008
Sometimes you go out for a drink and end up somwhere odd, with strange people, who do bizzare things. Last night was one of those nights. For some reason in this part of Italy all of the local restaurants, supermarkets and bars are closed on Sunday and Monday, seeing as the hotel we’re in doesn’t serve food, this leaves us somewhat knackered.
During our desperate scouring for food we managed to find a bar called Original Joe’s; quite why this bar has an english sounding name I have no idea, theres nothing english speaking about it, especially Maria.
We picked this bar largely because it was open and also because they were still serving their single menu item: Grande Toastie! Its a toasted cheese and ham sandwich which when you havent eaten for 12 hours is most delicious.
The best bit of this bar though is Maria. Maria is the loud, usually drunken barmaid who is desperate for every bit of attention you would care to give her. At random intervals she will pull out a giant rubber penis and start hugging it, this thing is about the size of a cat. So large is Maria’s penis (I assume its hers) that she uses it to store a second slightly smaller penis inside, Its like a penis version of a russian doll.
Maria follows her responsible drinking rules very carefully, if she asks you want you want and you tell her you’ve had enough and are going home, she will ask you again. You *will* be asked what you want until you pick a drink. If you don’t pick anything, or if you do anything else to invoke her wrath you will have to endure a sudden stealthy nipple twist as punishment.
Even if you do pick a drink, don’t expect her to give you what you ordered, just be glad if you get something that even vaguely resembles what you asked for. A rum and coke can apparently be any combination of rum, vodka, coke, soda or gin.
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